I am not writing this next week so be sure to include your offer to
summarize next week's games with your kicker add/drop. {Editor's note: The other Jason has agreed to fill in for Week 4, thank you.}
Week 4 bye weeks are here! Arizona Cardinals, Cincinnati Bengals,
Cleveland Browns, Denver Broncos, St. Louis Rams, Seattle Seahawks
Instead of going out on top I am going to complain about the negative
kicker scoring. Why is it minus 2 points for a missed/blocked extra
point? It's only a one-point play! Minus 2 or plus 1 makes it a 3-point
swing ... I mean for an actual NFL team it is only a 1-point swing, you
either make it or don't. And what about those end-of-second-quarter
"what the hell" 59-yard field goals? That's a 7 point swing. Anyway I
don't like penalizing the kickers for missed kicks, especially on long
kicks it seems unfair. Who cares about kickers? Without these negative
points there'd be less variance. /rant {Editor's note: Missed FGs are -1 point, you get an extra -1 point if the kick is 39 yards or under...so screw you Kai Forbath}.
Thursday Thursday Thursday: New York Football Giants at Washington
Football Team
Virtually the entire league is 1-2 or 2-1. We are all just a few swirls
away from the toilet bowl. Last week's games:
Nick's Knacks served notice that they are all about the Hamiltons and
plan to go on a reign of terror through bye week season. All of Nick's
starters put up at least 10 points and even his bench scored 61. Jason's
team put up a strong outing except for Kyle Rudolph, whose value going
forward as Teddy Bridgewater's lead blocker is now in question. {Editor's note: $10 goes to Nick B after I won $10 last week and forgot to put that in}.
Final Score: Knacks 115, Escaped Lunatics 83
The Situation faced off against the 'Basers, and both teams were hurt by
subpar performances from the faltering Green Bay Packers, who put up
only 7 points against the faltering Lions. Julio Jones' explosion put
the 'Basers up early, but then John's smelladelphia combo of
Foles-to-Maclin combined for 45 points, nearly enough to put the game
away. Adam was burned badly by the Panthers D, with minus 7 points, who
actually played well ... for a half. The Situation ends the week as the
only 3-0 team in the league.
Final Score: Situation 92, Biggums' 'Basers 47
After one of the week's most inscrutable trades (seriously, Andrew Luck
for Sproles???), the reinvigorated Bookoo Barbarians rewarded GM Hume
with a victory, as Luck and the Colts D put up 54 points. Jordan
Matthews' 2 TDs from the bench probably earns him a starting spot and
now we are all in trouble. Ben's Magic Wands put up a solid performance
and he was only one lineup change from victory.
Final Score: Bookoo Barbarians 82, Magic Wands 76
On the dumb side of the Luck-for-Sproles trade, the Lollipop Kids faced
historically unlucky DoggNutz. Luck's replacement, Colin Kaepernick,
finally had a decent game, but the rest of the Kids combined for only 19
before the Bears put a hurting on the Jets Monday night. Just drop AP
now, you'll feel better. On the other side, Jody boldly started Kirk
Cousins and was rewarded with a monster day. Knile Davis put up 17, and
now Jody is going to trade him to me for Charles Clay. DoggNutz flawless
victory!
Final Score: DoggNutz 85, Lollipop Kids 59
Two of the NFL's most disappointing quarterbacks faced off as the
Worthless Peons took on Myra's College Fund. The Peons are looking
dangerous, as Marshawn Lynch's 22 points paced a solid team effort with
good bench support, overcoming Jake Locker's craptastic 12 points (5
rushing). Ike's team disappointed all around, the team meetings are
going to be tense this week. Next Sunday, Ike's rookies take the field.
One of you guys please trade Jody for one of his 3 quarterbacks.
Final Score: Worthless Peons 80, Myra's College Fund 45
Speaking of disappointing, my pathetic team Nikachu played Luke's
Deathtöngue and fell apart. Luke's team was led by Drew Brees and a TD
from Isaiah Crowell, while Antonio Gates followed up last week's 3-TD
performance by leading Luke's tight ends with 0 points. Meanwhile my
team got zero from Shayne Graham (-2 for a missed extra point! Argh) and
-1 from the Texans D, offsetting a huge night from Antonio Brown. Still
it looked OK for me going into Monday with top-two draft picks Matt
Forte and Brandon Marshall yet to play and only a dozen points to make
up to eke out a victory ... but no, Marshall's TD was called back.
Final Score: Deathtöngue 67, Nikachu 62
In the week's worst game, we should congratulate ourselves because this
is a much better worst game than last week. Rainbows & Puppies vs.
Bounchers, playing at home in breathtakingly beautiful Bounchers
Stadium. Matt Ryan started it off in one of the most ridiculous games of
the year, as the Falcons put up 35 points by midway in the second
quarter and were up something like 49-0 against the Bucs. The ease with
which the Falcons offense and defense scored held back Ryan's scoreline
but he still put up 26 points. Then Matt Stafford and the inscrutable
Lions took the field, delivering victory for Detroit but an unfortunate
8 points for Nate. LeSean McCoy managed only 2 points, as the Redskins
defense focused on stopping McCoy and Sproles and screwing up our
fantasy league, instead of noticing that Nick Foles was running the
Eagles down the field at will in a series of easy two-minute scoring
drives. Anyway, Hamme was led by Shaun Suisham with 14 points. Jimmy
Graham had an off week as the Saints' starters rested the second half
against Minnesota's practice squad. But everyone in this game scored at
least one point, orange slices for everybody!
Final Score: Rainbows & Puppies 67, Bounchers 54
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